Real Life Daily Struggles

Anyone ever felt like the damage that has happened in their lives they deserved?

My life has had non stop trials and crap, I’ve felt like every time I think I’ve got it right this time another thing happens. Wether it be financially or even just mental health.

I was molested at a young age by a family member. Most of my family to this day does not know about this. This event in my life rocked my world for the rest of my life. I’m an abuse victim. No matter how badly I’m treated I still find a way to blame myself for someone else’s actions toward me.

Currently, I’m going through infertility. Have been for two years at this point. I had a miscarriage 3 months ago and I’ve just told some of my family recently. I feel like a failure. I tell myself everyday that I can’t get pregnant because if I somehow convince myself that then I can’t be disappointed.

When I feel any kind of change in my body my mind instantly goes toward pregnancy. I’ve stopped testing, but once a month my mental health can’t handle testing more than that anymore.

It’s exhausting to hear people say, you just need to stop thinking about it then you will get pregnant. I’m sorry you think I’m not trying? My doctor says if I lose weight I will get pregnant. Says all my levels show no reason for me to not be getting pregnant.

If you know someone struggling with infertility stop telling them not to worry about it, stop telling them that it will happen when it’s time, just stop. Instead listen be there for them comfort them.

I’m not okay, I need to get the thoughts out of my mind that I can’t be pregnant because I’m not a good worthy mother. I need to stop thinking it’s because I don’t deserve to be.

How do I do that? I don’t know, but I will try.

Anyway, enjoy my brain throw up. Ignore my random nonsense.